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Latest page update: made by andymacdonald30 , Oct 3 2007, 4:16 PM EDT (about this update About This Update andymacdonald30 edit title - andymacdonald30

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andymacdonald30 Why You Should Love Your Job! 0 Nov 26 2007, 2:18 PM EST by andymacdonald30
Thread started: Nov 26 2007, 2:18 PM EST  Watch
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When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson.
Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home:
Lock your doors
Draw the curtains
Disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable pajamas and sit in your favorite chair.
Carefully open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins:

Take out the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice, in small print, there is a statement...

"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times:

"I am so thankful that I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson."

HAVE A GLORIOUS DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS!
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andymacdonald30 Fairy Tale Princess & the frog 0 Nov 22 2007, 4:33 PM EST by andymacdonald30
Thread started: Nov 22 2007, 4:33 PM EST  Watch
Once upon a time
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: ' Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. '

That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't think so
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andymacdonald30 Scientist have found trace's............... 0 Nov 22 2007, 4:27 PM EST by andymacdonald30
Thread started: Nov 22 2007, 4:27 PM EST  Watch
After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish
Scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of
2000 year old fibre-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the Scots".

One week later, Irish newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5000 meters in a County Mayo bog, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They, therefore, have concluded that 5000 years ago, Ireland's inhabitants were already using wireless technology".
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andymacdonald30 WHY MEN DO NOT WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS 0 Nov 21 2007, 2:38 PM EST by andymacdonald30
Thread started: Nov 21 2007, 2:38 PM EST  Watch
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Lusk
---------------------------------

Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.
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andymacdonald30 medicine 0 Nov 21 2007, 2:36 PM EST by andymacdonald30
Thread started: Nov 21 2007, 2:36 PM EST  Watch
A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform.

He goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.

Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this."

With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then the African medicine man says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"

The medicine man replies, "When your partner can take no more and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned, it will not rise again for another whole year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers.

That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave.

He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, and says "123" and suddenly

the magic works, just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say '123' for ?
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